Women's History Month Highlight: Associate Professor Kerstin Perez!

What inspired you to pursue a career in physics?

I've always said that if I ever write a memoir of my life as a physicist, the first line will be: “I never once looked up at the stars and wondered where we all came from.” That just wasn't my journey. Until I was about sixteen, I thought I was going to go to school for fine arts. I had always been good at math, but I wasn't too into it… I didn’t really get the point. I didn't grow up watching Nova documentaries and caring about things like that. 

Until I took my first physics class in my junior year of high school. That was where two things happened. First, I saw math connected to the real world in a way I hadn't before. All of a sudden, all the geometry, algebra, and calculus could now tell me things about the real world. For example, if I took a ball and let it fall, I could now tell you exactly when it was going to hit the floor using math. And that, if you kind of step back and think about it, is mind-blowing. 

Second, physics just made sense to me in a way that it didn't to many of my classmates. Because of that, I got “singled out” by instructors and was encouraged to take higher-level physics courses in my senior year. This led me to have this great teacher for both my physics and my calculus class in my senior year, who loved math and physics in a contagious way; and he really imparted that same enthusiasm for the formality of physics and math to me.

What are some projects, research, classes, or other things you’ve enjoyed working on throughout your career? 

Two things come to mind. So for graduate school, I was working at the Large Hadron Collider in the era when it was turning on for the very first time which was a really cool experience; I lived in Geneva for the time that I was working there and would help construct some of the detectors that were going into experiments that would use the LHC collisions. I could be part of the team that helped turn it on and see the collisions for the very first time, and that was both really exciting and also instructional. Because I learned that as an experimentalist, you have an idea of how the things you make should work, but they never really work that way. Things are constantly overheating, breaking, the data isn't understandable, etc. In fact, the first time the LHC was tested, the whole thing broke for like a year! And we had to fix it; at times we questioned if it was ever going to work!

The other experience is a current experiment I am working on called GAPS, which is an Antarctic balloon experiment I've been working on for almost a decade, and we are just getting ready to launch it from Antarctica for the first time. That was a project that I was able to get into really early in the process and build some of the detectors that are a core part of the instrument. So going through that process of actually seeing it transform from an idea to a tangible instrument that we’re gonna launch has been a huge journey.

Has your perspective as a woman ever provided you with unique insights/perspectives that contributed to your work?

One thing I would say is that I think that there are a lot of challenges for anyone who is a minority in the field that they work in. That said, I’m gonna focus on the positives that come from that perspective.

People tend to perceive me as someone they can talk to about problems. I think that when people look at the stereotypical white man physicist who is running a team, they are usually intimidated by it, get kind of scared to bring issues, and feel like they have to keep things to themselves. But I have noticed that people trust that I am going to listen to their problems and help solve them, rather than dismiss them or judge them. Is this a gender thing? Well, I’ve noticed it happens more frequently to me than to my male colleagues.

But that is actually something I consider a strength. I work in big collaboration physics with huge teams of 50-100+ people, and the core of my work is knowing where problems are and fixing them. So it’s important that everyone in the teams I work with feels comfortable enough to share problems and solve them together. In a way, it’s also kind of a double-edged sword because sometimes everyone’s bringing you their problems, and it’s not always easy to solve.

Something that I think undoubtedly is a good thing is that the while the “old boys club” is real, you know…the network of men who hang out and look out for each other, the “old girls club” is also very real. There are not that many women in physics, so we all know each other and keep in touch creating a really strong network. So when looking for opportunities, feedback, students, etc. having that network of people with a shared experience is a huge benefit.

What is something you wish you would have known early in your career?

I wish I had known how important it is to be rejected from things. Because, especially in academia, you look around and see the success of everybody and it feels like everyone is succeeding all the time which can make you scared to put yourself out there for things that you might be rejected from. 

But as academics, we get rejected all the time. Schools, jobs, grants, fellowships, papers… life as an academic is full of constant rejection and that’s good. Because it means that you’re aiming high and letting yourself be known. Which is what a lot of academia boils down to, who knows you and your work. So even if you apply and you get rejected, that’s still a group of people who now know who you are and the kind of science you want to do and that’s part of the game.

How do you think the representation of women in physics has changed since you first entered the field? 

I wish I could say more things have changed since I was an undergraduate student. In terms of representation, I look around and I don’t see that many more faculty or students or the kind of big changes you would expect to see over twenty years. You know, people always say, “Oh, it’s getting better?” And I’m like, “Well, I’ve been here for twenty years and it really hasn't gotten that much better.” The one thing I have seen change is that the advocacy for change and equal representation in physics has gotten a lot more vocal. You know, 20 years ago, there wasn't such a huge awareness of the problem and the systems that can be "attacked" to advocate for concrete changes. But overall, I haven't seen the changes I would expect over 20 years.

As a woman, what are the most significant barriers you had to overcome to thrive in your role, in the industry, or in the workplace?

The first word that comes to mind is belonging. It is the biggest hurdle that I've felt in persevering with physics. I can usually go into any physics classroom and count the women in the room, and I have seen that number go down as I keep going in my career. So when you find yourself in this minority position, it really leads you to question yourself. What is this field doing that there are so few women? What do the other women know that they're not putting up with this, you know? Because other things in your life can be as equally fulfilling as physics. So when every single professional endeavor, you are in this position, it’s like you have this voice telling you that maybe you should look at the door.

Look, academia is hard. All steps are hard, and as I said earlier, you're always getting rejected from stuff. So being in a process that's so hard and where rejection is baked into how everything gets done combined with the constant feeling of “not being good enough” and with the fact that the environment around you is telling you that you don't belong there, that it's not designed for people like you, is the hardest thing to manage.

What piece of advice would you give to emerging women scientists?

The biggest piece of advice is to find other women, find people who are like you (whatever that means), and hold on tight. Don't isolate yourself and bottle up your feelings. Open up and share them with those who are like you, share your experiences. What you'll find is that you're not alone. To me, for example, it helped to turn the conversation from what's happening in my head all the time, which is “OMG, this is just evidence that I'm not good enough to be doing this,” to “Oh my god, they're all doing this to us!” and then you can kind of laugh about it together and help each other out.

As you know, March is Women’s History Month. On that note, which inspiring woman would you invite to your dream dinner party and why?

Okay, I'll answer this with some context. My answer is definitely Hillary Clinton. Not because I agree with everything she has done politically or because my ideals align completely with hers. But I would want to sit down with her and pour her the biggest glass of red wine because she's a person who has very publicly strived to be the best at everything she does, aiming for the highest possible goal. She's had to deal with so many personal challenges and such a difficult time in the public eye. Living under the constant scrutiny of every single one of her actions, like 'Why does she wear her hair this way?' 'Why did she stay with her husband?' 'Why did she decide to run for Senate?' so I would love to know how she privately feels about all the awful things that have happened to her in the public eye, learn how she got over them, and how she has kept going.